Writing a letter to someone you care about, when they are struggling, can be really hard.
I've spent so much time staring at a blank page, not knowing what to say or even where to start. It's like my brain just switches off and decides to take the day off (somewhere warm and sunny, I hope!) I pick up my pen, put it down again. I open a fresh page because the first attempt already looks wrong, even though nothing's written on it yet.
If that sounds familiar, you are definitely not alone, and that doesn't mean you are at all a bad person. It's actually really normal to struggle with what to say, because we've been taught that the comfort we offer to people needs to sound like a well crafted poem; that it needs to be wise, and beautifully written. However, I think it's important to remember that it's not necessarily what you say, that's important, but more the intention of it.
But here are three things to include when you don't know what to say:
1. Be Honest With Them
I know it can feel counterintuitive, but writing down that you don't know what to say is often a lot more powerful than struggling to find the perfect words, that probably don't even exist.
Something as simple as "I don't really know what to say, but I wanted to write..." shows that you are human and despite the struggle, you still showed up for them.
2. Share a Song
Song tastes are so subjective, however we need to stop worrying about whether your friend will like the song or not, because that's not what this one is about.
The point is that YOU took the time to share something incredibly personal with them; the song means something to you, and that's what counts. They don't have to love the song. It's the sentiment that matters most.
3. Be Silly
It can feel hard to smile or laugh when times are difficult, but the fact you tried will not be forgotten. Maybe you tell them a really bad Dad joke that you've heard recently. Tell them a story about something silly you've done, or witnessed. Perhaps you could tell them about a reel you saw on Instagram.
Even a small smile can change someone's day.
Of course, none of this needs to be perfect. Your letter doesn't need to read like a Shakespearean play or a classic poem. All that matters is that you write something pop it into an envelope and send your letter to your friend. And even if your friend never mentions it to you, you'll know that it will have helped a little bit.
However, if you really don't know what to write, why not sign them up for a subscription of the Slow Mail Club? Each month they'll receive a handwritten letter, and a mindful task to help brighten their day, once every month.